Sometimes it is better to not know stuff, I will tell you. During these past few days, I have been in cheerful oblivion, a place I would have loved to have been for a bit longer.
Today, I visited my oncologist and she asked me to sit down right away instead of the usual checking me with a stethoscope. I was chatting away, telling her how happy I was that my PET scan was clear and the news was the best Christmas present ever and so on and so on. I ignored the pained expression on her face as I chirped away, but when I mentioned the scan, it was the perfect time to interrupt me to tell me the news.
"The doctor read it wrong. It was not clear. There is something showing up in your pelvic bone and in your lungs. We have to do a bone scan."
Shit.  I sat there and smiled as she told me more details. I asked if this was bad and she said, hopefully not. She said that she would continue treating me on schedule and she would watch me more closely in the next few months. Hopefully the medication I will have to take after the radiation will work. More treatment? She said I will never have to take chemo again and I will continue to grow out my hair. Thank God.
I ran out of the office, jumped into my car and just sat there. Then, I called my husband and tears ran down my face as I told him the news. This can’t be happening!
But it is…and it will be okay. No matter what happens.

So I immediatley  got the X-ray she ordered and will wait for the bone scan to be scheduled.
I am strong and will beat this damned thing.
Say it ten times a day and eventually, I will believe it.

About Karen Elaine

Artist, author and teacher.
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5 Responses to What?

  1. Ron Perry says:

    Karen, my thoughts and prayers are with you! You’re right, you will beat this! I’ll say it every day for you too! I know, I say it for me each day and it certainly helps. While I’m currently free of my bladder cancer, I’m still in ‘maintenance’ mode; and I understand the anxiety of finishing a round of treatments and going in ofr a test, not know what, if anything, will be found. Kepp your chin up, think pink, and know that great things will happen for you in 2005!!!


  2. Sharon says:

    Shall hold you in my daily prayers, sweet chemo sister. May you be blessed with the ever present comforting warmth of the Sunlight of the Spirit in these oh so tender times. Peace to you and yours, Sharon


  3. Bonnie says:

    Karen, I will pray for you each and every day as you walk this journey…just by your sharing with others your heartfelt feelings and situation reveals a strong woman ready to face these next months with determination and passion.
    May the New Year bring you renewed health Ü


  4. Pat says:

    I want you to know that I’m praying for you. I know this is a difficult time for you. The fact that you are willing to share what is going on in your life is wonderful. Just remember you aren’t alone, you have your family and friends upholding you every step of the way.


  5. denise says:

    I’m sure a lot of comments have started this way, but I watched you on Carol’s show every chance I get and my DVR is always set. I had no idea that you were ill until I was looking up a project I saw tonight. I’m so sorry that you’re sick and I’ll keep you in my prayers. I love your work and I will keep watching. Keep strong…


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