Sometimes it is better to not know stuff, I will tell you. During these past few days, I have been in cheerful oblivion, a place I would have loved to have been for a bit longer.
Today, I visited my oncologist and she asked me to sit down right away instead of the usual checking me with a stethoscope. I was chatting away, telling her how happy I was that my PET scan was clear and the news was the best Christmas present ever and so on and so on. I ignored the pained expression on her face as I chirped away, but when I mentioned the scan, it was the perfect time to interrupt me to tell me the news.
"The doctor read it wrong. It was not clear. There is something showing up in your pelvic bone and in your lungs. We have to do a bone scan."
Shit. I sat there and smiled as she told me more details. I asked if this was bad and she said, hopefully not. She said that she would continue treating me on schedule and she would watch me more closely in the next few months. Hopefully the medication I will have to take after the radiation will work. More treatment? She said I will never have to take chemo again and I will continue to grow out my hair. Thank God.
I ran out of the office, jumped into my car and just sat there. Then, I called my husband and tears ran down my face as I told him the news. This can’t be happening!
But it is…and it will be okay. No matter what happens.
So I immediatley got the X-ray she ordered and will wait for the bone scan to be scheduled.
I am strong and will beat this damned thing.
Say it ten times a day and eventually, I will believe it.