Leaving Las Vegas

I am back from Las Vegas a little weary, a little weepy but more wise. I realize for the first time, that I am a lot more fragile than I was before BC and that I need to take better care of myself.
At the airport yesterday, I was hauling my luggage through the long lines trying to navigate my way through mobs of people. I was dog tired from working the trade show and not getting enough sleep or water. When I finally reached the ticket counter and heaved my heaviest bag onto the steel platform, the airline employee who was as old as my grandmother tagged my bags and told me to take them somewhere else to be x-rayed. I didn’t want to pick the bag up one more time, it was too much for me. I asked if there was help for the handicapped (couldn’t believe I said that) and she asked me if I wanted a wheelchair. I said, “No it’s okay, I just can’t carry these any more.” She quickly hopped over the counter and dragged the hefty suitcase over to the x-ray area. I could tell she was a little annoyed but I thanked her as she ran back to her post to check in more passengers.
I was embarrased to be so damned weak physically and emotionally. I sat down on a chair and tried to put myself back together but the tears wouldn’t stop flowing down my cheeks. I felt like an idiot for signing on to do a trade show in Las Vegas, the city that never sleeps, and I was paying for it big time.
I just wanted to be home and safe and well.
Last night I slept for eleven hours and I woke up exausted.
I am realizing that I can’t do the same stuff I used to before this journey began. I need to focus on healing and getting through chemo and radiation. That’s it. I have to let the other stuff go, for now.

About Karen Elaine

Artist, author and teacher.
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2 Responses to Leaving Las Vegas

  1. Kathy from NC says:

    Hi Karen,
    I hope you can feel the care and concern around you, lifting you up when your strength seems to have taken a leave of absence. I like to think that we’re all here for that very purpose. We can’t be there to carry your suitcase, but we can certainly carry you in hearts and thoughts.

    Like

  2. Karen says:

    Kathy,
    Thank you for your caring thoughts. I was definately having a difficult time on that day, but now I am much better. I have taken advice from the CEO (my body) and I am going with the same chemo I had before for the final two rounds. It is such a relief to know that this part of the journey is almost over!
    I do feel the compassion and caring from others and I am grateful. Yesterday, my daughter forced me to watch a silly video that made me laugh so hard my tummy hurt, but afterwards I was euphoric with joy. Laughter is the best medicine!

    Like

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